Friday, December 6, 2013

Bar Prep Flashbacks

This is a compilation of the fragments of the things that emerged from the deep dark cave my mind was in. A few of them were long enough to merit their own posts, which are linked here.

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Signs You Have Found Me at the Bar Exam

written July 28, 2013

Maybe some of my fellow bar takers are wondering if we're taking the bar together. While this seems unlikely, in the event that you find yourself wondering, "Is this person Not an Elle?" at the bar exam, here's a handy guide to help you answer that question.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Bar Prep Flashback: "Sometimes the things inside my head about the bar exam are so terrifying I'm afraid to let anyone else in"

written July 27, 2013

There are some things I just can't explain to anyone who isn't also doing this. There are some things you just have to do. Some events you can't cancel. Because to anyone not in this, it's just another test, right, and I've taken tons of those, right? And even if they get the magnitude of it, there are only so many times I can say "bar prep" as an excuse before I'm a selfish asshole. Life is still happening all around me. Everyone else's lives are still going forward.

Sometimes the things inside my head about the bar exam are so terrifying I'm afraid to let anyone else in.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Bar Prep Flashback: Why Did I Go to Law School

written July 24, 2013

Throughout bar prep, I couldn't help but consider what I was doing and why and questioning whether I had made the right choices. Why was I even here? Was this exam really necessary for what I wanted to do in life? What exactly did I want to do again? How did I get here?

And people ask this all the time. "Why did you go to law school?" "Why do you want to be an attorney?" Law students, and prospective students, typically learn quickly to temper their answers.

Monday, December 2, 2013

Bar Prep Flashback: The Final Week of Bar Prep

written July 21, 2013

As I reach the final week of bar prep, everything I hated during bar prep has magnified at least 10 fold. You are, in all seriousness, probably better off not acknowledging me at all.

No, I'm not fine. No, I did not have a good day. I haven't been and I won't have one again until August. No, I'm not eating well. No, I'm not sleeping enough. No, I don't have time to fix the latter or the will to fix the former, so don't even bother telling me I should try.

I have reached the point where being asked, "how are you?" is actually painful to me. I'm miserable. I am terrified and anxious and full of feelings of failure and inadequacy and there is not a damn thing you or I can do about it. So when you ask, I say, "fine" because telling you the reality doesn't help either of us at all. It makes me feel worse because I have to hear the words outside of my own head, and it makes you feel worse because there's nothing you can do. But, I can't just tell you not to ask; you'll want an explanation.